that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
