I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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