I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
