i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
