I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
