apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
