I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
