just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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