i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
