I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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