apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
