im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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