just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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