When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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