Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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