I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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