Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
