Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
