youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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