He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
