literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
