I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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