if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
