I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
