these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
