My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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