ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
