He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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