I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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