What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
