Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
