Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
