Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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