he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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