I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
