I could have mohawked her pubes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
