he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
