I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my being single is dangerous.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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