good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
