I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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