9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
