sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
