I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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