made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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