And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
