He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
