My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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