So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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