I think I died a long time ago.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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