I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This baby is an asshole
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
