Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
